|12-12-2012, 10:16 AM||#51|
OMG...this is horrible!
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: colorado springs, co
A little Christmas story to put you in the Holiday mood.
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the
elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box
360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember
that come Christmas Day.
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine
and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time
you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat.
Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you
can go outside and play with.
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by you I
might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me
what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season
into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming
from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you
that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of
services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your
right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever
since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to
take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not
only improve your health, but also improve you social skills and potentially
help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry
bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be
polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you
just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be
waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone,
and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? "He sees you
when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You
know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your sh*t wired,
Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I
described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the
carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm
still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you're a** and then walk it
dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
That's what I thought you little bastard.
|12-12-2012, 01:06 PM||#53|
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
I did a chunk of the shopping online for obscure stuff:
Got my daughter this iPod case for her touch
And this backpack for fun:
And other things like that. I also got a groupon for skeetshooting for me, the gf, and her parents for an hour (approx $140) and another for couples ballroom dancing lessons.
Then I did the bulk of my shopping at Kohls. They've got great sales right now, and you can find coupons for another 20% off AND they give you $10 in Kohls cash for every fifty you spend (so now I've got another hundred to blow on whatever I want )
Grabbed a ton of girl clothes for my daughter
Cheap jewelry (she's 9)
Perfume for the gf and then some cheaper stuff (Candies) for the kiddo
Nerf guns for some little boy cousins
Car wet/dry vac for gf's dad (OCD type cleanly) for only $13 BEFORE discount
Hello kitty snuggy and slippers for kiddo
Bunch of coffee K-Cups
Even grabbed these:
Even threw in a pair of these for me:
|12-12-2012, 01:17 PM||#54|
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Tranquility Base
|12-12-2012, 06:03 PM||#56|
Join Date: Apr 2007
|12-13-2012, 02:56 PM||#57|
Sometimes getting someone a service is nice, rather than a gift. My siblings and I are splitting out getting housekeepers to help our parents out around the house. It's not cheap by any means, but its something they need since my mother has to take care of dad with little time to do housekeeping and things.
Smaller services I've paid for friend and family:
Salon services for sister (hair or nails or some other spa thing).
Give a date night to friends: basically volunteer a night of their choosing to babysitting so they can go out with their spouse sans kids and usually kick in for drinks or some part of the date (movie, etc).
the rest of my gifts are less exciting. I got my nephew a video game. I got my sister a themed gift basket with alcohol and a nice glass set and got her husband an amazon gift card. My brother and his boys (who are varied ages, but under 6 mostly) I got a hand carved wooden airport set with a few planes and such. My brother is an aerospace engineer so I thought he'd enjoy playing with it with his boys.
As for me, I am hoping Santa brings me a K-cup machine now that my coffee pot has died.
Last edited by broncofever; 12-13-2012 at 02:58 PM..
|12-13-2012, 05:38 PM||#60|
Back in the 5280!
Join Date: Sep 2009